Closed
by MrsSpookyLiz
Summary: Scully has cancer. Mulder is obviously devastated and hates watching his best friend and love of his life in so much pain physically and mentally. She needs some time to herself and takes a little trip, but will Mulder be able to give her space? - Set in Season 4 / Shipper / MSR / Romance / Angst / Comfort / Hurt - COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**CLOSED**

 **An X-Files Fanfic**

 ** _(_ Set _in season 4, after_ _Scully has discovered she has cancer - sometime after Momento Mori but before Redux)_**

 ** _Disclaimer - as much as I would love to, I don't own The X-Files, Chris Carter and Fox do.._**

* * *

"Scully? You in there..?"

Mulder was leaning his temple against the door of her bathroom, his voice was tight and full of care and concern, she wasn't coming out, no matter what he said or did.

 _The question was so ridiculous._

He had seen her walking in the bathroom, he knew she was in there… but she wasn't answering and he was near the point of desperation..

"Scully, please.. let me in.." He begged with a heavy sigh.

They had been at work, in a meeting with Skinner when it had all gone horribly wrong. He closed his eyes and tried to recall if any of it had been his fault.

Had he said something to worry her or get her worked up..?

 _"Agent Mulder, you can't make these demands, you know I'm under a lot of pressure to keep you under wraps, for your own sake, and for Agent Scully's..."_ Skinner had huffed with frustration as Mulder pressured him about the Smoking Man. He wanted to know how to get to him. He had had enough. This happened occasionally, these angry, demanding outbursts, which all his hope was lost - especially now as Scully had cancer, news which shock him to the core.

He couldn't believe it, and he wanted to find the cure for it, he had to. _As this was all his fault anyway..._

 _"I don't care! I don't give a shit_!" Mulder had shouted, standing up from his chair then, just as Scully frowned, which he would later realise was in pain from a searing headache, at his side.

 _"Mulder, let it go.. he can't help with this…_ " she had mumbled weakly, but he had ignored her, his fury driving him away from any reasoning..

* * *

"I'm fine, Mulder."

He pulled his temple away from the door then, in shocked surprise.

He had been doing this for at least a half hour - since he followed her home from the FBI, since she stormed up to her apartment.

He still followed her yes, through the rain, through the biting cold outside which whipped his trench coat around him, up to her apartment door, catching it.. just before she slammed it shut in his face, his hand gripping it just before it trapped his fingers..

"You're not fine. I know what that means from you, Scully…" He started painfully, then sighed again as he stared at the closed door in front of him, "-please, just let me in.. you scared the shit out of me.."

"I just need a minute."

She interrupted him partly, and he could hear the desperation in her voice for him to go.

He respected her need for alone time, her space, but she had just collapsed right in front of him, and Skinner. When he had caught her in his arms, which he did easily, as he had natural reactions to protect that woman, his instincts kicked in as if on overdrive whenever she needed him.. he had held her and looked down at her closed eyes, her pale skin, whiter than usual, not her pale yet beautiful complexion he had gotten so used to, but almost a tinge of blue, _as if she was already.._

"Ok.." He sighed, pushing his hands against the door and moving backwards against the wall behind him and slumping there, crossing his arms. He would wait for her, as long as it took. "I'll be here, whenever you're ready to come out."

"Mulder…" She started helplessly.

Her voice rang a hint of sadness to him, and it broke his heart.

"No." He whispered firmly, as he always knew what she was thinking, or was about to say, "I'm not leaving you."

* * *

She clutched the basin with one hand and pushed the toilet paper to her nose and tried to stop the oncoming nose bleed which she knew was imminent. Looking at herself in the mirror, she hardly recognised who she saw. Her blue eyes were dimmer, her cheeks more sunken, her skin was so pale, almost blue. She swallowed nervously and pushed her fears and worries down. She was strong, she had always been such a strong person, this was something she could fight, she could overcome it..

But deep down she wasn't so sure, she was _dying…_

She stifled down a sob and turned on the faucet so Mulder couldn't hear her tears.

He wasn't leaving, he had followed her all the way home, which annoyed her but also she found somewhat comforting, even if she didn't want to admit it. But she didn't want him to be worried about her, following her all the time, being there for her in case she collapsed again, what a burden, she thought. He didn't need that shit...

She sniffed a tear away and then she felt it, almost on cue, the bleeding from her nostrils.

Scully closed her eyes in resignation and stuffed another load of toilet paper to her nose and sat down on the side of the tub, sighing and trying to calm herself.

She couldn't collapse again, she needed to calm the hell down and relax...

* * *

Mulder waited for her, listening to every sound he could make out.

His heart was raging in his chest with worry, was she ok?!

His greatest fear was her collapsing again and smacking her head against the side of the basin, or, he thought, slipping as she went over and hitting her chin on the side of the tub, or falling down to the tiles and smacking her face against them as she hit the ground, god, _he really needed her to open that damn door.._

He frowned as he heard the water running, wondering what her next move might be.

Was she having a bath? A shower?

What was she doing?

Why did she need to wash her face? Was she _crying..?!_

"Scu.." He started quietly, edging towards the door again, he was desperate to check on her, but he stopped himself as she had asked him to give her a minute, and he had to respect her privacy.

He was relieved when she didn't answer, but only because he could hear the water stopping, so she just still be conscious, right?

"Mulder…. Just go home."

He froze as he heard her voice, it was tearful and muffled now, as if she had something covering her face or her mouth, her nose even.

Then it hit him, the nosebleeds. _She was having another one..._

He groaned painfully as he realised this, his heart breaking now with sympathy and sadness. He couldn't help it as he stepped back towards the door and clasped the handle.

"No, I'm not going anywhere." He said softly.

She was silent for a while and he just stayed there. He leant towards the door again, resting his whole forehead against it now.

"There's nothing you can do for me."

He frowned in refusal.

"I can't have you collapsing again. You scared the shit out of me." He repeated. He heard a heavy sigh from her and he closed his eyes sadly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you by saying that, but you did.."

Suddenly he heard a shuffling, as if she was walking around, and he pulled back and clutched the handle tighter, his heart rising with hope.

 _Please open the door, please open the door…_ he begged to her internally..

"I'm not going to collapse again Mulder."

He stared at the door, his heart skipping a beat as he realised she was right next to him now on the other side, she had moved, she had moved towards the door..

"Let me in. Open the door, whatever, please.."

But he needn't have asked, as she was letting him in.

He felt the handle turn in his hand and he stared at it, loosening his grip so she could unlock the door and pull it open.

* * *

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 **Not 100% sure where this is going yet, but hope you like it. Glad to be writing again. Xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

She licked her lips nervously as the door swung open a little. She held the tissue to her nose, it was still damp with some blood, most of it she had flushed away. She kept her eyes low, away from a Mulder's soul bearing hazel eyes, as she just couldn't look at him right now or she would be in floods of tears..

"Scu- Scully.." he gasped.

Just as she expected, he was shocked to see her in such a state.

It upset her, she didn't want it either.

"I didn't want you to see me like this.." She muffled into the tissue, her blue eyes wet with tears.

"Jesus Scully, come here.." He beckoned, pushing the door open further gently then extending his arms wide open now to embrace her, and before she could stop it from happening, he had wrapped his arms around her tightly, hugging her face into his shirt.

She closed her eyes and bit back the tears which she so wanted to cry, but she didn't want him to pity her.

Such was her personality. Very closed, very insular.

Mulder saw her emotions sometimes, when she let him, he was the only other person in the world apart from her own Mother who she would let see her insecurities.

"Scully.." he gasped again, his chest rising and falling anxiously against her cheek. She kept her eyes shut and her tissue pressed right up to her nose. "You wanna sit down? Come on, let's sit down, may be you wanna go to bed? How about some tea, hmm?"

His voice was so soothing, so caring, she was struggling not to burst into tears against him.

"No.. I'm ok.." She whispered, knowing that _yes_ , she should really go to bed, and yes, god, _she would love some hot tea._

"Ok.." He sighed, clearly not believing her but letting her have this one, "I'll just stand here as hold you then, so you don't topple over.."

She heard the slight jokiness in his voice, which she was used to in these situations, he just couldn't help it. "But.." He continued after a few moments, serious again now, "I really think you should sit down." He reasoned softly.

She froze for a second as she felt her walls coming down, one by one. Her strong inner self was screaming, _don't tell me what you think I should do.. I can take care of myself.._ but her heart was melting inside at the tone of his voice, his sweet words, the way he was holding her.

She felt a little shaky, a little dizzy, nauseous.

She knew that he was right, she should sit down, in fact she should be in bed...

"I erm…" she started nervously, raising her head up to his slightly.

Mulder looked down at her, his face full of heavy concern.

"Yeah?" He asked softly, then reached to tuck a loose piece of red hair behind her ear.

Scully shivered a little at his touch, he was always doing that, when they were close. She loved it, she did, but it took her off guard every time...

"I think may be… I should go to bed."

* * *

He nodded slowly, worried but relieved she was finally resting. He was almost fainting with worry as he knew that she should be off her feet.

Keeping his strong arm around her shoulder, he moved with her to her bedroom then kind of slid away from her slightly awkwardly, as he didn't want to intrude too much..

"It's ok Mulder, you can go home now." She said softly, moving to her dresser to get out her favourite pyjamas.

"I'll um, give you a minute to get changed." He ignored her, as he already told her he wasn't going to leave. "You want some tea? Water? Anything?"

She sighed and held her pyjamas in her hands, then turned to him and gave him a slight look, to which he turned away quickly and left the room.

* * *

Scully got undressed slowly, her body was aching with tiredness, pain as well, pain that she couldn't pin point to one area of her body, it was just a dull pain, which took her by surprise every now and then. The headaches were the worst, and the nausea.

That was hell.

She looked to the door as she pulled off her cream blouse and bra and replaced it with her pyjama top. It was quite cold today so she was grateful to put it on, it was blue, cosy and warm, same as her pants. She pulled them on after taking off her trouser suit and finally slipping her feet out of her heels.

She loved wearing heels, she never found it difficult to wear them, but being sick had changed that. She was now struggling in them towards the end of the working day, she felt as if her strength was diminishing more and more each day and it scared her...

Keeping her eyes on the door she thought of Mulder, he wasn't going to go home, or back to the office, she knew it.

 _No matter what._

She sighed again and finally was dressed for bed, so she pulled the covers over her and got comfy in her own bed, what a relief that was.

But it was only 2.49 in the afternoon..

* * *

"Scully?"

She heard his voice from outside her door, she had nearly been dosing off, but she opened her eyes slowly.

"Yeah?" She said softly.

"Can I come in?"

She stared at the digital alarm clock, which now read 3.15pm. She licked her lips nervously again, unsure, but she guessed she could use the company..

"Erm… ok.."

The door swung open immediately behind her.

She turned over in the bed to see him carrying two cups of hot tea, she imagined, and smiling a little sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, I know you didn't answer me about the tea, but I really think you should have some.."

She couldn't help but blush and smile a little, pushing herself up from the bed slightly and frowning in slight exhaustion as she rested against the pillows. Mulder saw this of course, and hurried towards her, sitting on the bed by her side – not thinking at all if he was invading her space or not, as this is what he did.

He looked after her.

End of.

"Don't, don't do that, let me help you.."

She looked up at him as he placed the cups on her nightstand and was already moving to help her, his arm around her shoulders as he pulled her towards him and into his chest, supporting her weight as he fluffed up the pillows behind her.

All very understandable of course, in the circumstances, not unlike a nurse would do for a patient in hospital..

But Scully gasped and closed her eyes as he pulled her close, she could smell his scent and a faint whiff of his shower gel, she assumed, or his shampoo. Mulder wasn't one to wear a lot of aftershave, occasionally she would be surprised to smell it on him, and it would make her a little weak in the knees, but also her cheeks would flare, wondering if he had met a girl last night!?

But no, she liked his usual scent the best, it was familiar, comforting, _calming.._

"There you go.." He was saying softly as he laid her back down gently, then gave her a small smile.

She just stared up at him, her Mulder, her best friend in the whole world. She was a little speechless, she couldn't believe he was still here, looking after her..

Didn't he have better things to do?

"What's wrong?" He asked, searching her eyes, a small, amused smile on his lips.

She was silent, her heart racing.

Without thinking, she looked down at his hand which was near her side and took it in hers, lacing her fingers through his.

"I'm just…." She gushed, "..amazed you're still here.."

Mulder frowned but kept his little smile, squeezing her fingers in his.

"Where else would I be?"

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

She was staring into his eyes in silence, trying to calm her racing heart. He just watched her for a few moments and they sat there together.

"Could you pass me my tea?" She asked softly.

Mulder frowned, seemingly confused or startled by her words, blinking a couple of times, then cleared his throat and handed her the tea off the nightstand which was nearer to him. She took it off him with a small smile.

"Thank you." She said, then blew on it to cool it down.

"Scully I.." He started, then stopped. He looked down at the bedsheets, he seemed upset.

She frowned with concern and held her tea cup to her lips, pausing before drinking due to his change of tone.

"What's up?"

He was still looking at the bedsheets, his shoulders rising and falling with deep breaths. She waited for him to carry on, she could tell he was struggling with whatever he wanted to say.

"I…" he sighed, shaking his head, "never mind." He finished in defeat, and looked up at her again, with a small smile, but clear distress in his eyes.

Scully felt her heart sinking, she knew it must be a question about her illness, but she didn't want to press him. She took a sip of her tea and didn't know what else to do or say.

"Mulder, its very sweet that you're here, but surely you need to be back at work. I'll be all right again after some rest."

Mulder sighed and ran a hand through his hair, a little frustrated now, at himself, as he loved her. He had nearly just told her, he had nearly just said it. And now she wanted him to leave again.

"I already told you, that I'm not leaving." He stood up and placed one hand on his hip. "Unless.. unless you want me to go?"

She was silent, feeling a little awkward now. Then she placed her tea down.

"Mulder, I'm just gonna go to sleep. You can stay if you want, but I'm exhausted, I need to rest, ok?" She said as gently as she could, not to offend him.

He nodded a little and placed both hands in his pockets. He was kind of glad he hadn't said it now, it would have been very inappropriate at such a difficult time in her life. He bit his bottom lip, unable to shake his concern for her.

"All right, I'm gonna stay for a while, but I'll be in the living room if you need me." He said softly, then left her bedroom.

* * *

She fell asleep after her tea, she was aware he was in the next room but she didn't mind that much, as long as he gave her some space.

* * *

Mulder sat in the living room on her couch, he was a little torn at whether to stay or not, he didn't want her to think he was being weird. He was just really worried, he would never forgive himself if something happened to her, and he hadn't been there to help her. He wondered if she should really be in the hospital, but he was sure that she knew best, being a medical doctor.

He lay down across the couch and tried to relax, he found himself drifting off to sleep eventually...

He woke again to the sound of her voice saying his name.

He jumped awake, his arms moving out from next to him, all curled up, almost falling off the couch but stoping himself as he opened his eyes and looked up at her, still in her pyjamas and with her dressing gown wrapped around her. She looked adorable. "Scully? A-are you ok?"

She nodded and smiled a little, looking at him all curled up on the sofa. "I'm fine Mulder, really. You've been asleep for four hours. We both have." She stifled a yawn then walked into the kitchen to get some water. "You want anything?" She asked.

Mulder sat up then and glanced at his wristwatch in surprise, "No thank you ... Four hours?" He asked in disbelief, he hadn't expected that at all or even to fall asleep in the first place. He ran a hand over his chin and then got up to join her, moving towards the kitchen as well.

When he got there, he noticed she still looked exhausted. "Did I wake you?" He asked quietly, worried he had been snoring or something.

"No, of course not." She said, turning to give him a tired smile, "I woke up myself, I felt a little nauseous."

Mulder moved to clutch onto the back of one of her kitchen chairs, feeling his heart sinking at that. He didn't know what to say, he just gave her a small nod. He also guessed he had outstayed his welcome and may be he should be going now.

"You want me to go?" He asked in a small voice, but if she said yes, he would understand.

She paused for a moment, and he sensed some uneasiness radiating from her as she placed the glass of water back on the kitchen counter and leant against it. She turned and faced him, crossing her arms.

"Actually erm.. there's something I want to talk to you about.."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **Sorry it's short..**

 **Thanks for all the interest! I'm sorry it's taken so long for an update, but work has been insane since I got back off my vacation, I will try harder to update more regularly now xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

There was a sense of slight uneasiness in her voice as she spoke.

Mulder frowned a little and took a couple of steps towards her.

"Ok.." He started in a low voice, being cautious.

Scully sighed and looked away from him for a moment.

"I erm.. I don't want you to get upset.."

Mulder froze then, his heart dropping to his feet, he was fearing the worst, if that was even possible, as the day she had called him into the hospital to tell him the bad news, he didn't think any news could ever be any worse than what she had said..

Mulder didn't speak, he tried to, but he didn't know what to say. So he just waited for her to carry on, freezing to the spot next to the table, less than three feet away from her.

"I've been told by the doctors that I don't have much longer, my tumor has grown a lot more aggressive. So, I was wondering if you could help me with.. my affairs."

Mulder blinked a few times, tears stinging his eyes, he was really trying to be strong for her, but she was flooring him. He didn't want to hear that she didn't have much longer, he didn't want to help her get her affairs in order, as that sounded like she was getting ready to die, and he couldn't accept that _, he still couldn't accept it.._

"I-I.. Scully.." he gasped, moving a little more towards her, peeling his feet off the floor. They felt like they couldn't budge, and it took a lot of effort.

"Forget it, I'm sorry." She spoke suddenly, then she took off towards the living area, leaving him in limbo, feeling like he had made a big mistake. He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling like he couldn't say anything, he couldn't say anything right, so he'd best just be quiet. But he turned to watch her as she walked away and sunk down onto the sofa.

"Scully.." He tried again.

"Don't worry about it, I shouldn't have asked, or told you, for that matter." She spoke softly over him, and he watched as she hung her head low. "I didn't want to make you more worried, I'm just.. struggling to find someone to help me with my will, and seeing as you were my witness before, I thought you were the best person to ask."

Mulder was finding his feet again and walked towards her, forcing his tears back down his throat, he had to be strong for his best friend, and she was right. He had signed her living will.

She glanced up at him as he came nearer and their eyes met, and they could tell what each other was thinking, as usual. Mulder felt his heart calling out for her and he knelt down in front of her as she sat on the sofa and took her small, fragile hands in his, looking up at her with so much love and respect.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked he softly, running his thumbs over her knuckles.

* * *

Scully looked down into his eyes and felt a wave of relief washing over her as the awkwardness between them subsided and he agreed to help her. "Thank you." She said, then paused, "...are you sure?"

Mulder nodded slowly but firmly. "Yes."

She took a breath and managed a very small, very sad smile, as this wasn't something which was going to be enjoyable, at all, and she wasn't sure that Mulder could keep it together, but she was grateful for his help.

"Just tell me what you need me to do.." He reassured her again softly.

* * *

It took them a good few hours, but they sorted a lot of it out.

Scully was organised of course, she had all her paperwork in place, in her desk drawer, but they discussed all the final details, her money, credit cards, everything.

It was late by the time they were finished, and Mulder sat on the sofa, quiet.

She closed the desk drawer and switched off her PC, then moved towards him slowly.

"I really appreciate you helping me." She said in a small voice, not meeting his eyes. He looked exhausted and emotionally drained.

"No problem." He said softly.

There was a small silence, and she took this chance to tell him what she needed to tell him, although she wasn't sure how he was going to react.

"Mulder," She started, "I erm.. I think I'm gonna go away for a while."

He frowned in surprise and perked up at her words slightly, not out of happiness but out of shock, and worry. He sat up straight and leant forward, looking up at her as she stood before him, still in her dressing gown.

"What?"

Scully sighed and crossed her arms again defensively and felt her heart dropping, he was worrying again, and he really didn't need to. "Mulder, I just need some time alone, by myself."

He looked at her with confusion, trying to understand.

"But… you… what about work?" He stuttered timidly, not wanting to offend her, but because he knew that she never liked to miss work, and when she was upset or struggling, she would actually throw herself into her work, not take time off.

She nodded and bit her bottom lip, glancing down at her feet and shifting on them.

"Yeh, I know, I won't be gone for long… Skinner said that I have lots of leave that I need to claim anyway so.."

"You've already spoken to Skinner about this?"

She sighed and felt the awkwardness again, she didn't feel the need to explain herself.

"I don't… Mulder I don't expect you to understand. I'm going away, ok?"

She tried to make it final and clear for him.

Mulder took a breath, this was all going the wrong way...

"Scully.." he started gently, reaching out a hand and placing it over her crossed arm, "just, calm down, I understand, I really do understand, but.. this is not like you at all.."

She rolled her eyes and moved away towards the desk again, she felt tears rising to her eyes and she wasn't even sure why. She was scared, and she was running away, but she didn't know that yet. And she didn't want him to see her afraid. Mulder was right, this wasn't like her.

She placed her hands on her desk and heard him moving behind her, getting closer, she could feel him there, just behind her back.

"Scully.. I can't stop you, but do you think it's a good idea to go alone? I mean, what if.. what if something happens again? What if you faint again, on your own, or…" He said, his voice full of torment and worry.

She closed her eyes and tried not to let his tone affect her, but it was killing her inside.

"I'll take my precautions." She barked.

There was a long silence between them.

Mulder stared at her and wanted so desperately to wrap his arms around her, to get her to stay, with him, where he knew she would be safe...

But he didn't, he couldn't do that to her.

She was independent and she had made her decision.

"At least tell me where you are going?"

She felt her shoulders tensing, she wasn't planning on telling him, in case he came running.

"All right.." She whispered. "I'll tell you. But not yet, I haven't made my decision yet."

He nodded with slight relief, but still wanted to try and convince her otherwise, he was going to be worried out of his mind, he knew it.

"When are you going?" He asked with dread, as he felt he already knew the answer.

 _And he was right._

"Tomorrow morning." She said in a hoarse voice, finally turning around and half facing him, glancing at his face for a split second, and he must have looked upset, as he saw a single tear roll down her cheek when she caught sight of him. "Good night Mulder."

And with that, she was gone, quickly, back to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

She got up early the next day, with a vague idea of where she was heading, but she hadn't made a definitive decision.

She just wanted to drive, drive away from it all.

She needed some time alone, even if it wasn't like her to run away, she was going to for a few days. May be she was going to experience something she had always wanted to do. She didn't know yet. She just knew that she had to do it.

When she got on the freeway, she put her foot down, accelerating fast. She opened the windows and felt the thrill of the wind in her hair and pulled on her sunglasses, it was a very hot day.

She felt a little guilty for leaving Mulder at work on his own, she hoped he didn't do anything stupid while she was away..

Just on cue, he rang her cellphone.

She sighed and pulled it out of her purse on the passenger seat next to her and answered it, because if she ignored it she knew that he would go crazy, calling her every five seconds..

"Good morning Mulder."

There was a slight sound of him moving or something, she wondered if he was still in bed, it was still very early..

"Scully? Hey. I wasn't sure you were going to answer."

A small smile curled up the side of her lips when she heard his voice. She wound up the windows as it was difficult to hear him, then switched on the AC.

"Why's that?"

"It's only 6.30. I thought you might still be in bed, that's all."

"So, if you thought I would still be asleep, why are you calling me?" She teased, smiling wider.

He paused, and she thought she could picture him getting out of bed as she heard the rustle of his sheets. "I just had a feeling that you…. might be awake. And I was right." She could hear him smiling as he spoke now. "So are you actually going to do this?"

She sighed, her smile dropping slightly.

"Yes, I've already left."

He paused again, and there was a small silence between them.

"But you haven't told me where you are going.."

She nodded and kept her eyes on the road.

"I know." She said softly.

"Well?" He pressed, a hint of worry in his voice. Scully felt an unexpected wave of tears rising to her eyes as she felt his concern.

"I'll tell you where I am as soon as I arrive, ok?"

She heard him fumbling around, like he was getting dressed.

"Does your family know you're going away? Maggie?"

She pulled in a sharp breath as he mentioned her Mother.

"No."

"Why?" Mulder asked gently. He seemed just as surprised as she was.

"If they start asking about me, just tell them I'm ok, will you?" She said tearfully, unable to control her emotions now as she thought of them. She had wanted to tell her Mother, but she knew that she wouldn't understand. And there was no way that Bill would have let her go off on her own in her condition.

She was not acting like herself at all, but she couldn't stop herself from doing this.

"Scully…" He said, his voice now full of worry, she could see him there now, his face furrowed with concern. "Scully?" He half demanded when she didn't answer.

"I'm sorry, I'm here.." She breathed eventually.

"Scully.." He repeated again with sigh, and she could almost picture him, closing his eyes in defeat, "Come back. You don't have to do this. Just- just turn around, I'm worried about you..." He admitted with difficulty.

She took a deep breath as she heard him trying to reason with her, trying to get her to change her mind, and she wasn't angry, she understood his concerns.

"Mulder, I understand that you're worried about me, but I have to do this. Just.. don't do anything stupid while I'm gone ok?" She managed to crack a small smile at her last comment.

But he was silent on the other end, seemingly not impressed that she was not coming home, but she knew he respected her, more than anyone else did, and that he would understand. He had to.

"Mulder..?"

"I promise." He sighed, and she smiled a little wider with relief, but then he put the phone down on her, without saying goodbye..

* * *

 **Seven hours later - FBI Headquarters, Washington D.C.**

He was trying to concentrate on their last case report but he just couldn't.

She still hadn't called him back to tell her where she was going, and it was making him crazy, out of his mind with worry.

Already.

 _And she had only just gone._

He didn't want to call her just yet, as he didn't want her to feel like he was nagging her, but it took everything in his power not to grab his cell.

Mulder shifted in his seat, looking away from the report in front of him which he had been staring at mindlessly, his thoughts only on Scully. Feeling like shit, as she wasn't there and he hated working without her, he slowly pulled himself from his chair and walked slowly towards the filing cabinet to get out some paperwork. He just felt like he was going through the motions without her, it was so monotonous, and he didn't even have a new case to work on, only paperwork. He hated paperwork.

He glanced at his wristwatch with a heavy sigh as he shut the cabinet and saw this was usually the time she would have her lunch, a salad or a wrap, something healthy. He turned back to his desk and walked back over, slumping himself in the chair once more.

Mulder couldn't help but picture her in his mind, sitting across from him at the desk, beautiful as ever, smiling and arching her eyebrow skeptically at his whacky theories.. but not too much, she was sincere and always had been with his beliefs, even though his quest had impacted her more than he could ever have wanted, she still stuck with him, through thick and thin...

And now she was dying.. _because of him.._

Mulder felt the sadness welling over him as he imagined, just for one second, life like this.

In this office, without her.

Without his best friend, his partner. It was just too devastating to accept.

He still could not accept it.

She had said that she was going to fight this, and she was such a strong person, but he was seeing her slipping again.

And he couldn't help her.

He couldn't do anything about it, except try and find a cure.

But _how?_

Mulder gasped as a sob lurched up from his chest and he placed his hands over his face, leaning on the desk, stifling it before it erupted from him in despair.

The guilt he felt was incredible..

* * *

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 **(This is set sometime after Momento Mori, sorry. I said it was set before originally. I have changed this in the introduction now.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

 **Palm Hotel, Norfolk, near VA Beach -** **3.45pm**

Scully pulled her small suitcase into the hotel room she was going to be occupying for the next day or so, before she went on to her next place.

She didn't have any other plan than going on a boat trip tomorrow. She felt really tired, her eyes heavy. A bitch of a raging headache from all the driving was making her unsteady on her feet as she dragged the suitcase towards the luggage rack then lifted it up onto it with a grunt, then sighed as she moved towards the bed and threw herself, right into the middle.

As she closed her eyes and felt her body begging her to go to sleep, she vaguely remembered that she should have called Mulder already, and that she really should call him, or he would be getting worried about her.

She had taken her time on the journey, stopping every now and then to eat, see some sights, views. Anything that caught her eye, she had stopped for.

But she hadn't called him, and she really should do..

* * *

"Scully?"

She smiled a small, exhausted smile as he spoke while she rested against the bed spread.

"Hi." She yawned, and noticed her voice sounded pretty weak.

"Are you… you ok?" He stuttered, clearly unsure, as she probably sounded unlike her.

"I'm ok Mulder. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. Are you still at the office?"

She heard him let out a sigh, which she took as a sigh of relief. She tilted her head over little in sympathy, laying one hand across her slightly nauseous belly and the other keeping her cell phone against her ear as she lay flat, facing the ceiling.

"Yeh, it's not even five yet."

She frowned in surprise now, she had been sure it was at least six thirty.. or even later.

"What time is it?" She asked in a sleepy, distracted tone, not wanting to move to look at a clock.

"It's ten to four." He stated, sounding a little uneasy, "Are you sure you're ok?"

She nodded and moved her hand off her belly, wafting it in the air in response.

"Yeah, just tired, and a little queasy."

"Sick?"

"Yes Mulder. It's ok, it's perfectly normal." She drawled at his concerned tone as she used all of her efforts to pull herself from the bed with a groan and towards the bathroom, where she staggered to wash her face as she had been sweating all day, it was damn hot.

He heard her struggle and still wasn't convinced.

She could imagine him running his big warm hand through his hair nervously.

"Scully.. where-"

"- Palm Hotel in Norfolk. Near the beach" She interrupted him as she leant against the basin. "I'm gonna be here for the next two nights."

He was silent then as she ran the water and splashed it over her face, clearly listening to everything, and shutting up finally as she gave away her location. She grabbed the hand towel and dabbed her face dry. As she walked slowly back to the bed, she threw herself on it once more with a couple of bounces.

"So, tell me about work?"

He finally sounded more relaxed and he snorted at her question. "Work? Work is work. I'm struggling to remain sane without you, but not to worry."

"I'm sorry.." She said, feeling a pang of guilt for leaving him. She was finding it more difficult to let go of work than she imagined.

"I just told you, not to worry about it." He said, his voice low and sincere, the kind of tone that sent a shiver down her spine. _A good one.._

"Ok." She sighed, then felt the headache worsening. She had eaten enough on the way here, treating herself to her sugary favourites, as well as healthy food, she might add, because, well.. what the hell right?

She must have groaned or something as his voice was immediately tense and worried again in her ear.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" He demanded, but she kept frowning in half pain, half confusion at his change of tone, " _Scully?_!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." She kept her eyes closed as the light was hurting her eyes. "You were saying?"

Mulder was silent again and she could almost see him now, his face full of concern.

After what seemed like an age, he finally spoke.

"I wasn't saying any-" he started with difficulty, then spoke quickly, "..look Scully, I'm coming to see you."

She opened her eyes then and almost sat upright.

"What?"

"You heard me." He said firmly, and she could imagine him grabbing his keys and his jacket off the stand in the office, slipping his arms in it and pulling it slickly around his shoulders.

 _She loved it when he did that.._

"Hey no! No, no Mulder, I'm ok.." She refused, frowning heavily in concentration now as she tried to reason with him.

"Scully, you're sick. I can't…." He said, his voice hoarse and breaking off and then there was a deafening pause as she felt the rest of his sentence on the tip of his tongue.

She knew perfectly well what he was trying to say, and also why he had stopped cautiously, not wanting to overstep a line…

"Can't what, Mulder?"

He was still silent, only his heavy breathing on the other end.

She could almost cut the tension with a knife. Finally, he spoke.

"I can't just let you be miles away from me, sick. Ok? I _can't_ , I'm going insane here."

She felt her heart melting as he sounded so choked up and desperate. She placed her free hand over her mouth as she took a deep breath, feeling him, loving her through the damn phone line...

"Listen to me, listen to me Mulder.." She breathed, trying to calm him down, "Go home, get some rest. I will call you in the morning, ok?"

She waited for his response, but it didn't come. He was clearly fighting with himself, and she felt it, she felt it deep within her. She closed her eyes and almost begged him, there was no need, and she needed this time alone.

"At least tell me what room number you're in, in case I can't get through to you and I need to call the front desk."

She breathed a sigh of relief as his tone seemed slightly calmer, more himself. She managed a tiny smile.

"229." She said softly, wishing she could hug him through the phone for being so sweet and concerned. "Good night Mulder."

And with that, the phone line went dead, and he lowered it from his ear slowly and stared at it.

 _'But it's not night time Scully_!' He wanted to shout to her, the worry welling up inside of him once more. It was not normal for someone to go to bed so early, unless they were jet lagged, or sick. And of course she was sick, very sick. And it was driving him insane that she was so far away...

"Dammit, Scully.." he mumbled under his breath and stormed out of the office, as he already had his keys and his jacket.

He needed some fresh air.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

 **2.00am**

She felt herself slipping out of a strange, delirious dream.

She couldn't quite make out what it was about at all, it was just a total blur..

Scully fell off the hotel bed and onto the floor with a hard thump and found herself tied up in the covers in a ball on the floor, desperately trying to get free and stand up, but her body was obviously not responding at all.

 _She needed to find the bathroom._

She was going to throw up - in fact she was very close to throwing up, she could feel it in the back of her throat, that horrible taste..

"Shit!" She muttered as she scrambled to get up off the carpeted floor, in an effort to scramble to her feet. Scully gritted her teeth and felt the room swaying around her as she somehow made it to the bathroom, _god knows how_ , entering the blindingly white room and staggering over to the toilet, grabbing the lid and lifting it up, then falling to her knees and emptying her stomach contents.

When she was finally done, she brushed back the tears and sank back against the wall of the bathroom between the basin and the toilet.

She wasn't really crying, she just shed some tears when she vomited, like most people..

"Arghhh god…" She groaned, clutching her stomach with her hands and wrapping her arms around herself. She frowned in slight pain as she was still cramping, that awful taste still in her mouth...

She was used to it by now, the sickness and that general feeling of weakness, but she suddenly felt alone, so alone she couldn't even explain it.

She was miles away from home, and she wondered for a moment why she had done this, _why she had driven all that way.._

Dana Scully sighed to herself with frustration.

She had to brush this off, she was a lot stronger than this.

She had to pull herself together..

* * *

"Scully?"

She closed her eyes in relief at the sound of his voice, her heart immediately slowing, calming.

She held the cell tight to her ear, second guessing her decision immediately.

It was past 2.00am and she had just called Mulder out of the blue.

What gave her the right to do that? To call him in the middle of the night...

But she had to correct herself..

 _He had done it to her a thousand times.._

"Hey, sorry. I'm so sorry to call at-"

"Are you ok?"

She opened her eyes and took a breath at his anxious tone, interrupting her.

It took her off guard.

She was preparing herself for him to be angry at her for calling at this hour, or even for him not or to answer at all..

 _Oh come on, who are you kidding Dana…_ She had to correct herself once again..

"No… not really.." she heard herself say sadly, surprised at herself for telling him the truth.

She was usually so closed, so insular. She hardly ever spoke truthfully about her feelings, as she didn't want to appear weak.

But now it was different.

She needed a friend, she needed _him._

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'm… what am I… what am I doing Mulder?" She asked with difficulty, biting back the tears, placing a hand on her cheek and feeling it flush with heat under her palm.

She had managed to crawl back into bed and had tried to sleep. But it just wasn't happening.

"Scully, just calm down. What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"I can't sleep, I feel really sick." She said weakly, pulling her legs up to her chest and closing her eyes, trying to imagine him with her, holding her hand or may be… _wrapping his arms around around her.._

"Scully, do you want me to come to you?" He asked urgently, yet in a low, caring voice. She frowned in half refusal, half desperation... _Of_ _course she fucking did.._ "Because if you do, I'm already stepping out of the door.."

She held her breath for a second, as she didn't deny his statement for one second.

She could see him now, already on his way..

"Mulder I…" she started, unable to think straight as she was suddenly exhausted, her head sinking into the pillow, dropping the cellphone involuntarily, "I'm so tired… so tired.." Her voice trailed off into a whisper, and she fell asleep, the cell phone dropping to the floor by her bedside..

* * *

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 **Sorry it's short.. more to come soon..**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

 _Mulder just drove._

He drove and drove, faster than he probably should have, but he didn't care. He was sure he broke the speed limit, but he really couldn't care less. She wasn't answering her damn phone and he was going insane.

It took him may be four hours to get there, and it was nearly 7am when he slammed on the brakes outside the hotel, climbing out of the car immediately and racing into reception, making passers by give him anxious and confused looks.

He must have looked like a mad man, his eyes all red and blotchy from the complete lack of sleep...

"Dana Scully, room 229.. please.." He blurted out to the shocked receptionist as he grabbed the desk and clutched onto it for dear life, looking straight into her eyes.

She paused and looked at him like she didn't understand him..

Mulder didn't realise he was not making sense.. _what was wrong with her?!_

"I'm sorry Sir, what would you like me to do?" She asked, puzzled.

"Call her, please." He started off polite, but then his tone changed to demanding. "Call her room. _Right now_."

The receptionist seemed perturbed by his sharp tone, but she lifted up the phone sure enough as she eyeballed him.

There was a deafening silence as they waited for her to answer, _and Mulder could almost feel his heart bursting out of his chest and onto the floor..._

"I'm so sorry Sir, but she is not answering. Have you tried calling her cell?"

Mulder narrowed his eyes in frustration and clutched the desk harder.

The receptionist frowned back at him in annoyance.

He couldn't help it. He didn't mean to act like an ass, but he was beside himself.

"Don't you think I already tried that?!" He snapped.

"Look... I'm sorry Sir, but if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to get you removed from the building."

Mulder froze at that, realising immediately that may be he was overstepping the mark a little, pushing his luck.

He slowly turned away from her as he felt like he was being leered at, and saw that people were watching him with wide eyes.

 _He wondered if he had been a lot louder than he realised.._

"I'm sorry." He sighed and turned back to the woman with apologetic eyes. "Please don't do that. I… I just have to see her. You see, she's sick. She's really sick actually and she called me at 2am saying she couldn't sleep as she felt too nauseous, and I drove all the way from Washington and I just really, really need to see her, to check if she is ok. Please can I just go up?"

He felt his eyes turn a little watery as he was almost begging this receptionist, desperate.

She looked at him as he spoke and he saw her softening slightly, or so he hoped...

"And who are you?" She asked finally.

"I'm her partner, with the FBI." He said with a small nod, reaching into his leather jacket and pulling out his badge. "Please, can I go up? Is there any chance you can give me a spare key?"

* * *

There were times when he really loved being an FBI agent, when he could get in just about anywhere just by flashing his badge, and this time was no exception.

The receptionist gladly led him upstairs and towards Scully's room.

She took a step back and waited for him to knock on the door.

Mulder felt the worry taking over him now and he was breathing heavily, trying to remain calm, but he was so scared about what he might find in her room.

 _He really hoped it was all just a false alarm, and that she was ok, that she had just fallen asleep.._

"Scully?"

He tapped on the door softly, not speaking too loudly as he didn't want to alarm her.

But there was no response.

He sighed anxiously and shifted his weight onto the other side of his body and placed one hand on his hip, his shoulders tense as he knocked again, harder this time.

"Scully? Open up, it's me."

 _No answer again._

He waited, then knocked once more.

"Scully? Scully?!" He said more urgently and louder, unable to hide the worry in his voice.

"Dammit, give me the key." He demanded from the receptionist, his voice tense as he reached over for it, and she quickly placed it in his hand.

Mulder let out a short breath and swiped the card, then slowly opened the door, letting himself into her room..

* * *

He stepped in slowly.

It was dark, her curtains were still closed and they were black outs, so they kept out the morning sunshine.

He swallowed nervously and edged forward, trying to see her.

"Scully?" He asked softly, not wanting to wake her too sharply if she was still asleep.

The room was nice, luxurious really. She had picked a nice hotel. But then again, he didn't expect any less from her. Her taste was impeccable.

"Scully?" He said again, still unable to see her as he passed the bathroom.

No sign of her in there.

He turned the corner and looked over to the bed.

 _Then he saw her..._

She was on her front, her arm extended out from the bed and hovering, her fingertips nearly touching the carpet below her, her eyes closed and her body worryingly still and pale...

Mulder didn't have time to lose, he ran towards her, feeling his whole being full of panic and all he wanted to do was hold her.

He needed to check she was still _fucking breathing for gods sake…_

He knelt down on one knee by her bed side and placed one arm around her body tightly, in an effort to pull her closer, then placed the other very gently on her cheek, running the back of his knuckles softly against her skin, then tucking her hair behind her ear.

She felt so cold.

He was _freaking_ out.

"Scully?" He asked near her ear, frowning with heavy concern.

"Agent Mulder? Is… is she ok?" He heard the receptionist's timid voice from behind him, bringing him crashing back to reality.

Mulder turned to look at her sharply, still keeping close to Scully and switched deadly serious, not wanting to waste any time at all..

"Call a doctor. Right now."

* * *

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	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

He lifted his hand off her hair and moved it to hold her hand which was hanging off the bed, linking his fingers through hers and studying the way her nails were so perfectly manicured as always, and the way her skin was so soft and… _cold._

Mulder frowned with heavy concern and stayed close to her, as there was no way he was going to leave her of course, _no way_ , as the receptionist disappeared in a whirl of panic.

He was trying to remain calm as he knew she was fighter and he told himself that may be, just _may be_ she was just... really tired?

"Mmm…"

He thought he heard her, very faintly.

Impossibly faint to hear… _surely not?_

He gasped slightly and looked back at her again, examining every detail of her face and yes, he saw that eyebrow move. He was sure he had.

 _Yes._

She was stirring...

"Scully?" He choked, overjoyed yet still terrified all at the same time...

She frowned then in what looked like fear, or confusion or pain.

He didn't know which one, but it hurt him deeply to see her like that.

"Hey… _heeey,_ it's ok..." He soothed, relief washing over him but still feeling terribly worried. He had a feeling that she wasn't out of the woods just yet, as she hadn't opened her eyes yet and if he knew Scully, which he definitely knew he did, she would be sitting up by now, glaring at him with angry eyes, demanding why he was there and why he had barged into her hotel room without asking, if she was feeling herself…

"It's me. It's Mulder." He continued softly but firmly, squeezing her hand gently with reassurance as he moved to perch on her bedside so he could press his hip against her body, as he wanted to have her against him, he always did.

But she was also cold, and he just wanted to give her a _hug…_

"What… I…" She stuttered, still with her eyes closed and frowning heavily. Her voice was a tired whisper, which he had heard from her only a few times before, when she was really sick or hurt, just been knocked down or knocked out, and he knew exactly what she needed.

She needed his reassurance that she was ok.

 _But he couldn't give that to her right now..._

"Scully you're freezing cold." He sighed, feeling a tiny smile spreading across his lips as he couldn't help it, he was happy to be with her and at least happy that she was conscious and talking to him, even though she was sick. "I drove here last night because you called me and then just dropped off, I didn't know what happened to you so I came here to check you were ok." He explained in a very gentle voice, trying to calm her mind which he guessed was racing right now, seeing as he was supposed to still be in Washington. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to be alone…" He started.

"No, no… I'm ok…" She spoke over him, a little firmer now, which he was happy to hear. _More like his Scully._ "What's going on?" She asked in confusion, moving slowly onto her elbows and pushing herself up in the bed, releasing her hand from his momentarily, much to his disappointment. She finally opened her beautiful blue eyes and caught his gaze, and he could hardly breathe.

He was just so happy to see her, he had been worried out of his mind...

"It's all right, just relax. I've asked for a Doctor to check you out…"

"Mulder no-"

"Yes Scully.." He urged.

"No Mulder. I'm fine. Really."

He kept his lips tightly together and moved away slightly, to get a proper look at her. _She didn't look fine._ She didn't look fine at all...

"I think you should just get a Doctor to look at you…" He tried as calmly as he could, not wanting to anger her, but it appeared that he did, as she was pushing the covers off her and climbing out of the bed, pushing him out of the way.

Mulder stared at her sadly as she scrambled off but he reached out a hand to her wrist as she stood up in front of him, stopping her momentarily.

"Scully… stop.." He breathed.

"Mulder let go."

He swallowed at the tone of her voice as she sounded like she did so often, when she hid her true feelings from him, her fears, trying to be the strong one as usual, not wanting him to see her weak or _whatever…_

He respected her more than anyone in the world.

But he had to admit that it pissed him off something chronic when she did this to him...

"Please, just sit down. You're clearly not well Scully.."

She turned on him then, making him regret his words immediately and making him want to crawl down into a hole in the ground and never come out. The look on her face was devastatingly furious, her blue eyes just full of ice and hurt, making him freeze in shock.

"No shit!" She snapped, and he felt as if she had just shot him all over again… _and it hurt just as badly this time around_ , " _Clearly!_ I'm not fucking _well_ Mulder! I've got CANCER!"

And with that, before he could say anything that could even try to make this situation better; though he was sure nothing he said now would help at all, she yanked her arm away from his clutch and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, making him flinch as the bang resonated straight through his soul.

* * *

Mulder sighed and looked down into his lap helplessly as he stayed, perched on the bed.

His heart was aching and his eyes were slightly watery with tears which he would have cried, if he hadn't been so frustrated.

He waited for a few minutes, which lasted a lifetime, before he made his attack.

 _As she was not getting away with this…_

"Scully!" He demanded as he too stormed towards the bathroom now, his boots heavy against the plush carpet of the hotel room. He placed one hand on the door and sighed, his palm outstretched as if he was trying to feel her through it, as if he could reach in there and grab her somehow... "Scully, come on. Come out of there..."

* * *

She looked at herself in the mirror and was horrified at what she saw.

Her face, pale as the sheets she had just been sleeping in.

Her hair, lank and diminished. Nothing like her usual vibrant red.

Her eyes were cold. Lifeless. Dead.

DEAD…

The word repeated over and over in her mind, driving her insane...

 _"Scully!"_

She heard him on the other side of the door, sounding angry. His very tone of voice sent shock waves down her body and she grimaced at the sound, knowing that he was upset too, and frustrated.

All this way...

He had driven all that way because she fell asleep? What was he thinking!?

She had wanted to be alone, dammit.

He didn't understand.

 _"Scully, come on. Come out of there..."_

She closed her eyes and sighed, supporting her weight against the basin. She really didn't want to argue with him, she didn't have the energy.

Had she collapsed again last night?

She didn't know, but she was sure may be a little food and drink could help her be on her way, and her medication of course.

"Just… give me a minute…" She managed finally after the deafening silence, reaching for her tablets which she had in her wash bag, all neatly arranged in day by day compartments. She ran the water and then threw them back into her mouth, then leaned down to sip from the faucet.

 _"Look, I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean to upset you…"_

She swallowed them down and looked back up at the mirror as she heard him again, this time his voice full of pain and sadness, heartache.

Her heart ached too. She was desperate to just fall into his arms, but she couldn't.

But why!?

What the hell was her problem? Why was it so hard for her to just let Mulder look after her? Especially now…

She sighed at herself, frustrated with the walls she put up around her heart. Man, she was so messed up…

"I know." She said in a low voice, closing her eyes again and taking a deep breath as she felt her body waning once more. She thought that may be she should sit down… "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to lash out."

There was another small silence and then she saw out of the corner of her eye, the handle turning.

She stepped away from the basin and watched as the door opened and slowly creaked away from the frame.

* * *

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	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

"Can I come in?" He said in a very small voice, almost a whisper as he froze, realizing that this had been a lot easier than he had originally thought. He had expected her to lock it.

He waited, and waited. His heart was pounding in his ears and he almost felt dizzy as he waited for her response.

"Yeah.."

Mulder could finally breathe again as he pushed the door all the way open and saw her in front of him, standing there all exhausted and broken, so small, even smaller than he thought he had ever seen her, which was saying something.

His eyes met hers and he felt as if she was looking straight into his soul, as she always did.

She had him, so completely. Even since the _beginning_ , over four years ago, she had him.

"Scully I…" He started anxiously, taking a few steps towards her and by instinct alone, outstretching his arms towards her, hoping, just hoping that she would run into them and he could hold her, keep her safe and warm, away from harm and although it wasn't possible, he wished he could keep her away from this cancer that was killing her…

"It's ok." She whispered sadly, and he saw her bite her bottom lip, her beautiful bottom lip.

When she did that normally, it would make him weak in the knees at how devastatingly sexy and beautiful she was… but now, it just broke his heart as he saw that she was doing it to fight back tears.

Her eyes were puffy and watery as she glanced away from him.

Mulder was used to this now. This was what she did, and he knew that she was really trying so hard not to cry, but there was no way he was going to let her bottle this up like normal.

" _C'mere_.." He barked, his own tears threatening to fall now, his arms fully outstretched and he was so close to her, she had no escape, he was going to hold her no matter what. But by some miracle, she moved towards him willingly and engulfed her own arms around his body, pulling him close and pressing her face into his chest.

"Scully…" He breathed in response to her body against his and he closed his eyes, overwhelmed with the feeling of love that surged through him as he gathered her in his strong arms, both of them clutching onto each other as if they were the only people in the world.

He squeezed her gently, rubbing one of his hands down to her lower back and the other up to her hair, stroking it gently as she cried against him.

Mulder frowned heavily with concern as she was shaking as she sobbed, but he held her strong, desperately trying not to cry too, as he had to be the strong one here.

 _But god, it was killing him._

He didn't want to lose her to his disease. His best friend, his partner, _his Scully_. And not forgetting, the love of his life.

As he was totally in love with her, though he didn't have the balls to tell her.

Mulder sighed and pressed his lips against the top of her head, keeping his eyes shut as he tried to shelter her from all the pain she was feeling.

He couldn't bear it…

 _He couldn't imagine life without her…_

* * *

"I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid Mulder…"

She was sobbing, her breathing ragged as she clutched onto him, still burying her face in his shirt. She was sure she was making a total mess of it, but she didn't care as she couldn't bear to look at him, not right now.

But she needed him like _air_ , even though she didn't dare to say it out loud, or admit it to herself.

But she did. She really did. And if he let go of her now, she was sure that she would sink to the floor…

"It's ok… it's ok.." He whispered softly against her ear over and over, leaning down to her and rubbing her back and running his hand gently through her hair as she cried.

It felt _sooo_ good, so comforting. She didn't want him to stop. Ever.

"I should never have… I…" She struggled to get the words out as she felt so foolish for doing what she had done.

Yes, she was sick.

She was really sick and she shouldn't have come all this way alone. Who was she kidding? She needed help right now, and he was willing to help her. He had just driven all through the night for Christ's sake, just because she fell asleep while on the phone to him… "You- you drove… all… all.."

"All night." He finished for her, and she missed it as she was still buried in his chest, but he managed a small smile as he spoke, "I drove all niiight to get to youuu.." He joked in an awful singing voice, desperately trying to cheer her up.

Scully opened her eyes in surprise at his little funny and heard herself let out a tiny laugh at Mulder's tragic attempt at singing. She felt a wave of relief as it stifled her sobs for a few seconds.

He was always able to make her laugh, no matter what...

"Celine Dion?" She finally pulled away from him slightly and looked up at his face, catching a glimpse of his deep brown eyes, making her heart skip a beat. He brushed her hair away from her face and she felt him chuckle against her, but he still wasn't cracking a smile.

"Oh, _come on Scully_.." He feigned insult at her comment, which would have been a really funny joke if they weren't both in such a state.

"I always knew you were a fan." She teased.

He was amazed at her attempt at humor right now. It made him love her even more, if it were even possible.

"Well, I think I sounded more like Roy Orbison but... which version do you prefer?" He played.

She waited to gather herself before she responded, sighing and pulling one hand away from his shirt as she wiped her tears away from her cheeks, trying hard not to cry again. But Mulder was also wiping her tears away with his own thumb so she stopped, letting him take over and closing her eyes as she felt a shiver run down her spine and such a warmth in her heart, she couldn't even describe it.

 _She calmed instantly when he touched her so gently..._

"Actually, I liked Cyndi Lauper's version the best." Scully commented, and they both finally cracked a full smile, though it was a sad one. She kept her eyes on his and swallowed anxiously as she slowly lowered her eyes to his lips, _his perfectly crooked lips which she was dying to kiss…_

"Are you ok?" Mulder asked finally, snapping her out of her dream like state. She blinked and looked back to his eyes immediately, gathering herself as he moved his hand to her hair again and held her still, not letting her glance away this time. She nodded silently. "You know that you don't have to hide anything from me, that you can talk to me about anything, anything at all." He said gently, his tone of voice melting her heart.

"I know."

"Good."

He nodded and pulled her back into his arms. She sighed as she moved her head back to his chest, placing her cheek against his shirt now, feeling it damp against her skin.

"I'm sorry, I think I ruined your shirt."

"Don't worry about it." He said softly. They just stood there for a while, their breathing calming and slowing to the same rhythm as each others. "You wanna get some breakfast?" He asked finally.

Scully was so relaxed, she could hear his heart racing against her ear, and it was the most beautiful sound in the entire world…

"Mmm.. Sure..."

* * *

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	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

 ** _Breakfast_**

As they walked towards the Hotel restaurant together, Scully couldn't help but feel relieved that he was there.

The doctor had come to check on her, but she had told him that she was a medical doctor herself, and explained her condition. Although Mulder had seemed unsure and uneasy about her decision, the Doctor had finally left them alone.

She didn't want to go to the hospital, she didn't feel the need to. There was nothing they could do.

She was just sick, _end of story…_

"Wanna sit over there?" Mulder asked casually as he pointed to a small table for two near the floor to ceiling windows, which looked out over the sea. Scully couldn't help but smile and feel such a warmth within her as it was such a beautiful view, and he couldn't have picked a more private spot. He just knew that she wanted to be out of the way as she was not feeling or looking her best, although he had reassured her that she looked just as perfect as always. Yes, she remembered, that was exactly what he had said. _"You look perfect, as always Scully.."_

She closed her eyes momentarily as she felt her heart beat race a little faster and her palms were sweating..

"You ok?"

She heard his voice, right next to her, once more full of concern.

She opened her eyes immediately and looked deep into his, finding her voice. "Yeah, sorry. I was just gone for a second."

Mulder nodded and then, he took her hand.

 _Oh shit... yes, he was taking her hand…_

Scully let him and felt such a rush of adrenaline she didn't know what was going on. "Ok." He said softly, then turned away from her to look at the table and started to pull her gently towards it, and she followed him willingly…

* * *

"You know, you don't have to-" She started, but he was already stopping her.

"Before you say that I don't have to be here, or I don't have to stay, or I don't have to worry about you, or whatever, just… stop."

She looked at him, wide eyed with surprise at his firm tone. He even raised a large hand to stop her.

"I-"

"Scully, don't. I _want_ to be here. I _want_ to make sure you are ok, and I'm glad that I am here because you clearly had some kind of episode last night-"

"Mulder.." She tried to interrupt him, closing her eyes in defeat and turning her head away.

But he was right there again. He wasn't going to let her win this...

"Scully.." He replied, and reached across the table to brush her hand with his. She opened her eyes then as he took it in his own, staring at their entwined fingers. _So natural, they fit together so perfectly..._ "Just please, let me do this. I need to do this, I understand you want your space. I'll give you space to do whatever you want, but I am not leaving this hotel while you are here, ok?"

* * *

They finished breakfast. Scully had bagels, bacon, eggs, fruit, everything. She was _starving_ , she realized as she put the first bite into her mouth, then just couldn't stop eating.

Mulder grinned as he watched her wolfing down her food which was unlike her, he was usually the gannet, but not this time. He was happy to see her eating so much as she clearly needed it, and he relished in the view, as she got more and more colour back to her cheeks with every delicious swallow...

"You done?" He asked, teasing slightly as she sat back, full and seemingly satisfied.

"Yeah.." She breathed, placing a hand on her stomach. She raised her eyes to his slowly as she could feel him watching her, Mulder knew it. He smiled with glee, his eyes dancing with amusement. He was so happy to see her like that, it had been a while..

"Good." He chuckled, then shifted in his seat to get up, but she didn't seem to be moving anywhere. He chuckled again, "Full?"

"Jesus… yes." She giggled, rubbing her stomach.

Mulder felt his heart warming at the sound of her laugh, such a beautiful sound.

* * *

So they were going on the boat trip together.

Scully had not planned him to tag along, at all, but she was in a good mood now and feeling so much better, what harm would it do for him to come with her? He had been incredibly persuasive, _as always._

"I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes?" He asked as they walked to her room together, keeping very close. She felt him place his hand on the small of her back and she almost couldn't breathe, something was very different.

She couldn't explain it, but she felt like she couldn't control any of her senses around him right now.

May be it was because secretly, she wanted him to be here, and she _loved_ the fact that he had dropped everything to come and see her, to check on her, like her Knight in Shining..

 _Shut up Dana, you don't think that way…_

"You… got a room?" She asked slightly breathlessly as he was completely invading her personal space, his face dangerously close to hers. She could smell his cologne, but that was nothing compared to his usual natural scent. No, that was her _favourite.._

"Of course I did. I told you I was staying." He stated, so obviously like she was foolish for thinking anything else. She smiled a small smile and nodded.

That was that then. Mulder had gotten a hotel room, and as he moved literally four inches away from her and delved into his pocket, it appeared to be the one right next door to hers…

She raised her eyebrow. He was so typical.

 _How very convenient…_

* * *

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	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

 _ **The Boat Trip..  
**_

Mulder was already waiting for her in the lobby.

It didn't take him long to get ready. He hadn't brought any fresh clothes with him so he was still in his jeans and shirt, _which she had cried on_ , but he had taken a very quick shower, waking his tired body up and washing his hair, so at least he looked a little better than before. He could only do his best with what he had, right?

He hadn't expected to stay at the hotel, of course. He hadn't thought anything through at all when he had driven all that way, his mind had been only focused on her. She was everything, his whole world. He had just _had_ to see her, to check. He felt responsible, not only as her FBI partner, but as her best friend.

 _And boy, was he glad he had taken the journey..._

Now, he was sitting on a trendy looking yet uncomfortable hotel lobby chair, waiting for her and they were going on a boat trip.

He felt nervous and a little giddy at the same time. May be this was his chance.

May be he could find those balls that he needed to tell her how he felt, and may be, just may be she would feel the same way.

 _Was it possible?_

* * *

He heard her before he saw her, her heels clipping along the marble floor of the lobby, his heart beating in time with the clicks, the clicks that he was so used to hearing down the hallway of the basement towards their office, but this.. this was different.

They were in a tourist spot, in the middle of summer and he now had a chance to show her a good time. This wasn't chasing aliens or vampires, this was going to be fun. Friends having fun.

Slowly he turned to see her, anticipation building as he just knew, he _knew_ that she would look stunning. He knew that she would have changed after sleeping in those clothes all night, may be she had showered? _He tried not to think about her naked skin and the water running down her back, down to her perfectly shaped ass…_

"Hey partner."

He pushed those inappropriate thoughts from his mind and forced himself to calm down, and the sound of her voice was different, slightly husky and highly arousing. He blinked and looked up at her finally, as she stood in front of him and fuck… she was _stunning_..

Mulder was speechless, opening his mouth to try and respond to her, but nothing came out. He was just assaulted by her beauty, totally succumbed to shock.

 _She looked like an angel._

Her dress was floaty, blue, with small white flowers on it - or so he thought, as he wasn't really paying that much attention to the pattern, he was mostly paying attention to the way the dress clinched in at her _tiny waist_ , and her _cleavage_ which was peeking out from the top of it. His mouth was going dry as he tried not to stare, he really tried, but she was so god damn perfect and beautiful…

 _Jesus Christ how the hell was he going to survive this…_

"Mulder?"

He swallowed and forced his eyes up to her face, meeting her sea blue eyes and being struck again at her beauty.

She was a goddess. She was a god damn goddess and he would _worship at her feet_ if she asked him to…

"Sorry. Wow…" He said breathlessly, slowly rising to his feet to greet her, but he wasn't sure if his legs could withstand the weight of his body, but somehow they did, "Scully you, you look… _beautiful_..."

* * *

Scully blushed furiously.

He was looking at her body, her hips, her waist, her legs, her breasts… yes, he was _clearly_ looking at her breasts, not even trying to hide it! She couldn't believe it. She felt herself shudder involuntarily with excitement as it was so hot.

She tried to coax him out of his shocked state by talking to him, and then he told her that she looked beautiful, and then it was her turn to her shocked then.

"I… I do?" She spluttered in surprise.

"Yes. Yes, _god_ yes." He nodded, his voice full of intensity, totally amazed at her still. He took once last look at her dress, then forced himself back to her eyes.

She felt her stomach flipping as he gazed at her, deep into her soul.

 _She didn't know how she was going to survive this if he kept looking at her like that…_

"Come on, we better get going." He said finally, seemingly regaining himself with a soft smile on his lips as he reached to take her hand once again, and she gasped as she felt the electricity firing between them as their skin touched again.

She was sure that he squeezed her hand a little more than usual as he took it, as if he was agreeing with her mentally.

They both knew that something was happening between them, something _exciting…_

* * *

Their feelings calmed slightly as they queued on the jetty to get on the boat.

The sun was hot, bearing down on the back of their heads as they waited with the other tourists, all chattering excitedly with each other. It occurred to her then that she should have brought a bathing suit, but then stopped herself as she realized that _no Dana_ , that may have been a little too much heat for one afternoon. _It was hot enough as it was..._

"You ever been on one of these before?" She asked Mulder as they took a few steps forward as people started to climb on.

"Never." Mulder smiled, their arms touching as they moved together.

"It's not really my ideal kind of boat trip, I'd rather be on a private yacht or sailing myself, but I just needed to get out on the ocean."

Mulder watched her as she spoke, her red lips now full of colour again and her hair catching the light of the sun. She was so stunning it was actually quite unbelievable.

She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. How lucky he was that she was his partner, his best friend.

He nodded and understood her, she had sea legs just like her Father had, she loved the sea and he knew how much she missed it living in Washington. Mulder wasn't as keen on the sea or boats as she was, but he was glad that he got to share this with her.

"I get it." He said simply, meeting her eyes again as they moved forward once more, nearing the boat. It was a medium sized cruise boat for tourists, with a large area at the back for standing and watching the view. Mulder planned on taking her there and imagined holding her from behind, _placing his hands on her hips and kissing her neck as the wind pushed the hair away from her skin…_

 _Jesus Christ…_ he cursed himself internally. _Stop!  
_

He swallowed nervously again as his mind was running away with him once more. He really needed to remain focused or he was going to make a total mess of this…

* * *

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	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Scully automatically walked towards the back of the boat as she got on, wanting to watch the sea behind her as they set off.

Mulder was glad, as he wanted to go there too, so they could be alone.

He followed her and placed his hands on the railings. They were both quiet as they looked out at the harbor and the boats dotted about. They stayed like that, silent and both lost in their own thoughts as they set off.

About twenty minutes in, just in comfortable silence with each other, Mulder turned to get a look at her, hoping he did it without her noticing. She was gazing out into the open sea. She looked so calm, so content. He kept his eyes on her beautiful, serene face. She looked like someone could have painted her. She was so perfect she almost wasn't real. Her hair wafted in the sea breeze and he was lucky enough to get a scent of it. Her shampoo smelt so good, he wondered which one she used. If he could find out one day, he would make sure he would buy it just so he could smell her in those lonely times when all he could think about was her…

 _He closed his eyes and breathed her in.._

"Mulder?"

He jumped at the sound of her voice, and suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed as he opened his eyes and saw her looking at him, her brown slightly furrowed in thought, a slightly amused expression on her face.

He gripped onto the railings tighter and shifted uncomfortably...

"Yeah?" He croaked.

"Were you just…?" She started, unable to finish as saying it out loud would be too risky..

"The air is really fresh out here, isn't it?" He quickly covered himself, breathing in a huge breath of air in an exaggerated way, as if proving his point. "Yeah! That's good stuff!"

* * *

Scully arched her eyebrow and felt a small smile creeping up the side of her lips. She knew exactly what he had been doing, and he was trying to cover it up. She didn't want to tease him though, that wouldn't be fair.

"Yes. I love the smell of the sea air." She agreed with him, as it wasn't worth even bringing up.

She looked back to the sea and sighed, feeling so much calmer than before. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this good.

If Mulder hadn't been here, would she have felt so happy right now? She wasn't sure...

"Good choice for your little vacation." Mulder commented, leaning against the railings now and arching his back, looking down at the white waters which were trailing behind the boat from the engines. "But you always had great taste."

"Thank you." She smirked at his little compliment, following his eyes down to the water. She placed one hand on the railing and ran another through her runaway hair in an effort to sort it.

They were silent again, just looking at the water, impossibly close, _so close they were almost touching..._

Scully had tried to ignore the fact that they were the only pair on the back of the boat who weren't a couple.

It would surely just make things a lot more awkward if she pointed it out, so she tried to imagine it wasn't happening, trying to calm her racing heart.

* * *

Mulder was acutely aware of all the couples which were surrounding them.

Touching, holding, laughing, kissing… god it was _killing him._ He wished that they were one of those couples, if only he could pluck up the courage to tell her how he felt, but he wasn't ready yet, not at all.

And this was so enjoyable, so perfect, he didn't want to push her away…

Suddenly though, one of the couples came racing towards them, arms linked and lips locked in a passionate kiss, seemingly unaware of the direction they were traveling as they crashed into them,mainly into Scully, making Mulder place his arm around her protectively purely by instinct and they grimaced at the awkward interruption. Mulder heard her cry out and his brow furrowed with worry, hoping that she was ok.

The couple broke apart and were extremely apologetic, slightly embarrassed...

"I'm so sorry!" The young woman exclaimed, raising a hand to her mouth.

"Sorry buddy, we just... kind of weren't concentrating on walking then…" The man said with a sly grin, giving Mulder a knowing look and a wink, as if he should know what he was talking about, as clearly, they thought that Mulder and Scully were a couple..

"What the hell!" Scully blurted out, all red cheeked and frustrated.

Mulder looked at her and saw her frustration. He pulled her closer to him in an effort to calm her. She was so fiery at times like this.

"I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?" The woman spluttered at Scully's annoyed outburst.

Scully glared at her and Mulder tried to calm the situation.

"It's all right, really. Don't worry about it." He said firmly, raising his free hand to them.

"Look Lady, we didn't mean to-" The man started with a harsh tone, as if she had no right to be mad as it was an accident.

 _Mulder felt Scully tense up beside him..._

"Please!" Mulder warned him, stepping up slightly. "Just… go."

* * *

Scully tried to calm herself down but they had really hit her hard in her side, almost knocking her overboard, if Mulder hadn't caught her in time.

She was pissed, but Mulder was clutching onto her tighter now and lowering his hand to her waist and squeezing her hip in response, urging her, begging her not to make a scene. He was the only person in the world that she would succumb to. _He just had a way with her.._

They finally walked away and Scully was relieved that they disappeared to the other side of the boat. She sighed in frustration as Mulder's hold on her softened, but then she felt her heart rising to her throat as he was placing both hands on her hips now and turning her towards him, so that they were facing each other.

"Are you all right?" He asked, so softly she almost missed it.

She blinked a couple of times, averting her eyes from his.

"Scully?" He asked as she wasn't responding. And then, he did something which really floored her…

* * *

Mulder could see she was angry, and he was aware that they had hurt her. He could tell, and he wanted to check she was all right and also, he wanted to calm her down. He didn't want anything to ruin this for her.

This was her day.

So, when she didn't respond once more, he slid one hand from her hip and up to her cheek, cupping it gently, unable to stop his thumb from running across her skin near her lips, almost moaning at the feeling of her under his own skin, but he managed to suppress it. He parted his lips as he looked at hers, they were so damn inviting, they always had been. Taking a deep breath, he ran his fingers gently down to her chin and then lifted it, forcing her, gently, to raise her head and look at him..

" _Scully_." He stated in a whisper, trying to meet her gaze. He finally caught it, and he saw her eyes were slightly watery.

He felt his heart skip a beat and the rest of the world seemed to slip away, and he started to wonder if may be her actions were more in defense of her feelings for him, rather than her anger towards a couple of strangers. He wanted to break down her walls, he wanted to go for them with a god damn _sledgehammer_.

He needed to get inside, he needed her to see that he loved her.

"Are you hurt?" He asked finally, when he managed to get his breath back.

She was silent for a moment and just stared into his eyes, their bodies painfully close. He wanted to pull her closer so that she was pressed up against him, so that he could feel her small frame against his…

"They bashed into my side, but I'm all right." She spoke finally in a very small voice, not looking away.

Mulder frowned a little in concern and released the pressure on her hip, then he dared to move his fingers very gently up her side. He let out a long breath as he did, feeling her firm body underneath her dress, and to his great delight, she seemed to like it, as she closed her eyes momentarily and he saw her lips relax into an _'ooo'_ and she also then let out a long breath.

She liked it.

She really did.

He was going to do this. This was _happening._

"Here?" He asked in a whisper, sensing that he was winning, searching her face for clues, any sign of arousal or enjoyment, and he _knew_ she liked it as she seemed to whimper slightly.

He was sure he had just heard her whimper, _or was he dreaming!?_

"Mmmhmm…" She mumbled, nodding and frowning as if she was trying to control herself, trying to fight the feeling of his fingers against her…

"Does that hurt?" He asked as he trailed his fingertips down her again.

" _No.._ " She whispered, opening her eyes again and looking directly into his once more, but her gaze was much more intense now.

Mulder felt as if he may faint any moment, as he was touching her, very tenderly. His heart was pummeling along at three hundred miles an hour, so he thought. _He was sure he was gonna faint any second now…_

"Scully…" He breathed desperately, he wanted to hold her. He really wanted to kiss her so badly..

"I know." She agreed, knowing what he was thinking.

 _It appeared that she was thinking the same thing too..._

* * *

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	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 _"I know."_

She couldn't believe she had just said those two words.

They meant more than anything she had ever said to him and they both knew it. They could both feel it.

She had just admitted that she had feelings for him, even though she hadn't actually said it out loud.

Her head was spinning, intoxicated by his touch on her side, his hold on her, he wasn't letting her go and she knew it. And she didn't want him to either. She could quite happily stay in his arms forever.

She had no idea what would happen next, but she felt the need to talk to him.

"Mulder, what's going on?" She whispered as she searched his handsome face and his eyes. She reached to place her hand on his side and looked up at him as he seemed to lean into her further as she did, and then slowly he was moving closer and bending his head, and for a moment she thought he was going in for the kill, and they were going to kiss, but he didn't. He rested his forehead against hers and she gasped, closing her eyes and relaxing instantly.

"Nothing's going on." Mulder said softly, "Unless you want it to."

She frowned a little with emotion and also confusion. _Of course she wanted it to, but was it right?_ Was it right to just dive in?

She _loved_ him, she knew that now. She loved him more than anyone in the whole world, and she was pretty sure that he felt the same way...

Why had she denied it for so long?

But she knew why. They were partners, professionals. They needed to keep it that way...

"Why did you come here? Really?" She asked, avoiding the answer he wanted, keeping their heads together and only listening the low rumble of the engines below, and their own heart beats.

"Because…" He started in a whisper, then paused as he considered his next words, clearly wanting to get it right, "..because you are _everything to me_ Scully. You're my whole world. My best friend, my partner, every waking hour I can't stop thinking about you. And…" He choked up slightly and she felt her own tears rushing to her eyes as he spoke, _she couldn't believe what she was hearing, he was just so sweet_ , "…I can't imagine my life without you. I want to keep you safe, I feel like it's my duty to keep you safe from harm, but I can't keep you safe from this, and I don't know what to do… I- I don't know what I can do to save you…"

She gasped again as he was crying now, his voice breaking into tears.

She pulled back slightly to look at him, and her heart broke as he was standing there, his shoulders hunched and tears streaming from his eyes which were still closed, as if he was trying to hide himself from her, but he really didn't need to.

She blinked back tears and couldn't help herself as she grabbed on him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Mulder buried his face in her shoulder and she felt him shaking slightly as he cried, and she rubbed her hand across his back to try and soothe him.

Mulder was more emotional than her a lot of the time, and she loved that about him. She loved that he would wear his heart on his sleeve, though she hated to see him like this.

 _It was tearing her apart._

She hugged him tightly and whispered sweet nothings into his ear, trying to reassure him that he was going to be ok, that he _could_ live without her, that he was strong and that he didn't need to save her all the time, but who was she kidding?

She wasn't making him feel any better..

* * *

Mulder was angry at himself for his emotional outburst, but it had just come over him so quickly he was unable to stop it.

The reality of the situation was, she was dying.

He was slowly coming to accept it. She was dying. _Scully was going to die._

He had no idea how to save her, and he needed to save her. She was the one. She was the love of his life.

"Scully..." He breathed, forcing himself to raise his head from her shoulder and looking down at her face, seeing the pain in her eyes. He sighed and moved his hand to her hair, stroking it gently away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "I'm sorry. This is your day." He bit his bottom lip and tried to pull himself together.

"Don't apologise. It's ok." She said, so sweetly he almost cried again.

"No Scully. I want you to enjoy this." He caressed her cheek again and she closed her eyes slightly in response. "Just tell me what you want to do, and I'll do it."

He saw her pause and think about this for a moment.

She licked her lips nervously and he saw them dampen and glisten, which made a tiny moan escape from his own. He didn't manage to suppress that one, and she heard it. She opened her eyes fully then and looked back up at him, and the look she gave him took his breath away.

"If this really was our last moment together, what would you do?"

* * *

He gulped.

He literally gulped at her question.

It was an invite, a dare almost. A pass into an imaginary life, with _Scully._

She knew exactly what she was doing, he knew it, she knew it. She was asking him to love her. To treat her like this was their last moment.

May be it was.

 _May be this was it._

Mulder tried to calm himself as he accepted the challenge.

He had no idea what would happen after this boat trip, when they were back in Washington at the FBI, back in the real world. But right now, this was enough. She was more than enough...

* * *

She saw the look in his eyes and she almost fainted there and then, not even believing what she had just uttered, the invite she had just given him.

She reached up to his face and cupped it, feeling a little tiny bit of stubble against her fingers. She felt the sensation run all the way down her body and he closed his eyes and sighed.

"If this was it, I would show you how much you mean to me." He said softly.

She swallowed anxiously and bit her bottom lip in response, feeling her body shiver with excitement.

"Yes?" She urged him on desperately.

Mulder took that as a green light, and then suddenly he was pulling her tightly into his arms and placing one hand on her lower back and the other across her shoulder, then she felt it.

He kissed her forehead, so softly and lovingly that she let out a small whimper of emotion. He was hugging her into his chest, so tightly and firmly like he never wanted to let go. She gasped as she felt his hands moving slowly across her body and her hips, down her sides, daringly near her lower thighs then back up to her lower back and touching her in places she didn't even know felt good.

It had been so long that anyone had touched her like that, _and she was pretty sure that it had never, ever felt as good as this.._

"Oh _god_ Mulder.." She gasped uncontrollably against him, running her hands down to his chest and feeling his strong muscles under her hands, squeezing them gently, feeling how firm he was.

" _God.. Scully…_ " He gasped back in response, and then pulled her even closer, if it was even possible. She let out a soft moan as he lowered his lips to her cheek and then to her neck, kissing her there and loving the way she responded to him. He wanted to kiss her harder, but didn't want to overstep the mark... yet.

He was highly aroused, and he really hoped that she didn't mind feeling him against her stomach, as he couldn't help it at all.

* * *

She opened her eyes wide as she felt him against her, but she wasn't shocked at all.

She expected it. She knew her Mulder.

"I'm sorry…" He muttered slightly awkwardly against her neck.

"Don't be. Just hold me." She whispered back firmly, reassuring him and pressing herself against him tighter.

Mulder let out a moan, louder than the first and she loved it, it made her all warm inside, and she had to admit that _she was starting to get highly aroused as well.._

She pulled away slightly after a while and looked up at him.

She saw a look in his eyes that she had never seen before, his eyes were slightly darker and much more intense.

She traced her fingers along his collar bone and she felt him shiver slightly in response. Then, she pressed her lips against his muscles, and even though she was kissing him over his t-shirt, she was sure that he was enjoying it.

"Scully… I can't think straight..." He breathed, still holding her close.

"Mulder, you are so special. You know that right?" She said softly between placing soft kisses against him, then she rested her head back against his chest and closed her eyes dreamily.

He chuckled a little and rocked her slightly back and forth as they held each other.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. You are. You are such a good man."

"I don't know about that…

"I do."

"Scully.." He started, placing a hand on her cheek again and guiding her back to look into his eyes. She hummed slightly as he ran his fingers over her chin and tucked another piece of hair behind her ear. _Just the simplest of touches set her on fire…_

"What is it Mulder?"

He took a deep breath and finally found the courage, though he felt like he may faint at any second.

 _"I need to tell you something…"_

* * *

She was listening, intently. He was deadly serious, and she couldn't look away from his intense eyes.

Scully swallowed anxiously but stayed put, his warm strong body was too comforting to pull away from.

Then, after what felt like hours, he began.

"I've been trying to find the best way to tell you, trying to think of the perfect words to say to you because you deserve everything, you deserve it all. You deserve more than my sorry ass, but I can't help the way I feel about you, and now all of this is happening and I'm starting to panic. I'm scared Scully, I'm really scared about your cancer, that I'm going to lose you..." He sighed and looked down for a moment, but she nodded and caught his eyes again, urging him to continue. "Scully, I _love_ you. I am so totally, completely and _utterly in love with you_. You are my whole world. I don't expect you to respond or feel the same way, but I just needed to tell you."

* * *

She was frozen in time, unable to hear him properly after he said those three words.

Everything melted away, and she wondered if may be she was already dead, and this was a dream like world, or heaven, may be she was in heaven and her and Mulder were destined to stay on this boat trip forever, just holding each other and loving each other.

But after he stopped talking, she slowly came to realise that this was not a dream, not heaven, not her imagination.

 _This was real._ The wind on her face was real, the sun on her back was real, it was scorching.

She was silent as she looked into his eyes, his puppy dog eyes that always won her over, always made her weak in the knees.

He loved her. _Mulder was in love with her.._

"Scully?" He said in a whisper, as she wasn't responding.

But she was speechless, totally speechless, and suddenly, she felt very light headed.

"Scully?" He asked again, holding her tight and kissing her forehead gently. She closed her eyes and felt soft tears roll down her cheeks with emotion as she felt his lips against her skin.

How did he do that? _How was he so tender and gentle like that?_

"Scully?" She heard him ask again, but this time his voice was slightly frantic and a lot louder, and she frowned in confusion as she didn't understand why.

" _Scully!?_ " He barked now and she sensed a level of panic from him.

But soon she knew why...

As she was falling, tumbling down into the darkness.

She couldn't open her eyes, though she wanted to. She tried to, desperate, she wanted to reassure him that everything was ok, but she knew it wasn't. She was unable to stand up on her feet now, and she was slipping down, but she felt him cradling her in his arms still, he was an expert at catching her when she fell, and this was no exception.

"SCULLY!" He shouted as she nearly blacked out, and she tasted copper in her mouth just before she went, knowing immediately that her nose was bleeding heavily... _not again.._ "DAMMIT I NEED A DOCTOR!"

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	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

The next time she opened her eyes she was in a Hospital, from what she could tell.

She wasn't familiar with the hospital at all.

She frowned in confusion as her mind was blank, she couldn't remember how she had gotten here, and she was a little scared, if she was being honest.

 _She didn't know what was going on._

But then, the one person in the world who comforted her was right there next to her, and she looked up at him and smiled softly as he linked his fingers through hers...

* * *

Mulder had been sitting by her bedside for the past couple of hours, waiting for her to wake up.

The ambulance had come quickly and he had traveled with her in it, keeping hold of her hand as they worked on her.

They told him that this happened all the time with cancer patients, and that it was normal, and that she just needed some more fluids and it wasn't that serious, she was going to be all right… _but he couldn't help but feel his heart breaking inside with worry._ He was almost frantic...

* * *

"Hey…" He said softly as she woke up and looked at him, smiling so serene and beautiful.

He felt his heart catch in his throat as she looked so stunning...

"Hi." She whispered, keeping her eyes on him. "Where am I?"

He smiled back at her and reached his other hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, bending down closer to her. "You're in a hospital near your hotel. Someone called the ambulance as soon as you collapsed. You're going to be okay, you just over did it a little-"

"-What?" She asked, cutting in.

Mulder frowned and looked at her more intently.

"When we were on the boat, you collapsed." He said calmly, trying to reassure her. Her brow was furrowed and she was searching his eyes in confusion. He felt a sense of dread as he felt her worry, and all he wanted to do was soothe her. "Hey now, It's okay, you're going to be fine Scully..." He nodded, speaking firmly and cupping her cheek gently.

"What's going on Mulder?" She asked, her voice now more frightened than before, and he pulled back in disbelief, frowning with concern and sitting back on the bed as she was trying to sit up and he knew he couldn't stop her. She rested up against the pillows and glanced around the room, trying to work out what was going on...

"The _boat_ …" He said in a low voice, his heart raging in his chest, "we were on a boat trip, and you collapsed in my arms. Your nose was bleeding… Scully?"

She was silent as she raised a hand to her cheek and stared at the door, watching people passing her room, as if she was trying to figure out how she had gotten here, and Mulder knew it before she said it, and it floored him.

He fought back tears which were rising to his throat and he licked his lips nervously as he watched her. All he wanted to do was hold her, but she seemed jumpy...

She gasped, turning back to him, her face white as a sheet again as she looked deep into his eyes, begging him for comfort and reassurance.

"I-I don't remember…"

* * *

Mulder opened his mouth to speak, trying to remain hopeful, but inside he was crushed.

She couldn't remember.

He had told her that he loved her, had bared his soul to her, _and she couldn't remember any of it…_

"What's the last thing you do remember?" He asked finally, finding his voice and staying with her, holding her hand.

She paused and tried to think. He could see her amazing brain working inside her head.

"I remember breakfast." She said with a small smile, raising her eyes to him again. "You were there, right?"

"Yes, I was there." He said with a reassuring nod, speaking softly and as calmly as possible. His heart was breaking inside as he had to accept that she would possibly never remember what he said to her. He sighed and forced a small, sad smile. "That's it?"

"Yeah.." She nodded, speaking in a whisper. "That's it." She looked down to her lap and frowned in thought and he could tell she felt lost. He took a shaky breath as he tried to control his emotions, then she looked back up at him with wide eyes. "What happened after...?"

* * *

He stayed with her while she fell back to sleep, then he had to leave the room. He had to get some air.

He was almost hyperventilating and he needed to be on his own, away from everyone.

Mulder pressed both hands against the glass of the main entrance doors and they swung open as he charged outside, trying to catch his breath. He staggered towards a bollard near the entrance and clutched onto it, trying to calm his raging heart and his breathing was out of control.

He closed his eyes and bent over, focusing on the fresh air entering his lungs. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he struggled to regain himself, just so heart broken and upset, and it wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's fault… apart from may be _Cancer Man..._

He gritted his teeth in anger and rage and roared as he kicked the bollard with his foot hard, causing pain to run up in his leg.

"Are you all right buddy?" A passer by asked him, clearly shocked at his display of despair. Mulder nodded and waved him away, just wanting to be alone.

"I'm _FINE!_ " He stated, more harshly that he probably should have, causing the man to raise his eyebrows and scurry away, not wanting to mess with him...

* * *

After he had pulled himself together, he walked back into the hospital and decided that he needed to get over it.

He had to be there for her, and he still loved her, he always would... _nothing could stop him from loving her..._

Mulder opened the door to her room slightly and watched her sleeping. He decided to go in and sit by her bedside again, as he couldn't stay away from her, and just seeing her calmed him down.

She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, the most stunning woman on this earth. And he had gotten to hold her and touch her like he had never before, and he had told her that he loved her.

He would never forget that beautiful memory. _He would hold it in his heart forever._

Mulder pulled the chair from across the room and sat down next to her bed, sinking into it tiredly. He was still exhausted from the lack of sleep and everything that had happened. He sighed and felt his eyelids dropping, heavy and sore. He tried to watch her for a long as he could, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, her beautiful pale skin, and those _lips_. He had wanted to kiss them so badly, but he smiled a little at himself as he realised that he needed to earn that.

And he would.

One day, he was sure that he would earn the feeling of her kiss.

He just had to wait… and he had to find a cure for her cancer, or he would never get that chance to earn it.

He had to save her.

_ THE END _

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 ** _Thank you for all the reviews and the love! I hope I didn't disappoint anyone by making her forget but I like to write in Canon as much as I can!_**

 ** _Until next time!_**

 ** _: Mulder & Scully Forever :_**


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